The human spirit is a constant ebb and flow and if you have any kind of self-awareness, sometimes that constant shift is jarring and tiresome. Who am I supposed to be and when does that actually happen? What am I here for? Am I enough? Within those self-reflexive questions are days (or maybe only moments) of contentment and joy, sandwiched with panic, self-doubt, anxiety and stress. And maybe that implicit duality is a GOOD thing because the self-questioning allows further exploration, especially when one feels stuck in the quagmire of life’s shit.
The daily grind can feel monotonous, especially when we’re running low on fumes, lacking sleep, quality meals, time to decompress, or movement. Mostly, we KNOW how we want to feel. It’s just that sometimes we get in our own way. Also, before your head explodes and you yell at the screen “BUT, DON’T BLAME ME. XYZ HAPPENED OUTSIDE MY CONTROL”--YES, duh, unexpected life happens to us, no doubt. No one’s special in that regard. The difference is we often choose to remain in discomfort because we ALSO know that there will be an uncomfortable experience when we choose a new way of being. Navigating new choices can feel daunting because no matter how you slice it, movement into a new (emotional, physical, spiritual) space requires work.
Each of us has a Gemini-like relationship to ourselves, two sides of a coin--one that is outward facing and one that turns inward constantly. Neither is better, they just are. Within those spheres, we vacillate between regression and transformation. The regression comes from stuck patterns--old traumas we have yet to (decide we are ready to) release. And we experience transformation, which accompanies the decision to lay down new tracks in our paths and to move in a new way despite the traumatic experiences. This is not to lay blame or judgement anywhere in regards to one’s process--we each shift when we’re ready. BUT, the ability to shift is independent soul work. Soul work may come from community care AND self care, but the decision to do the hard, earnest work of transforming is an inside job. It is a job that overlaps seasons, and many choices, and explores triggers, and contemplates reactions. Shift is an unfolding process, repeating the lesson you get--until you GET it.
So, in our LAST full moon of 2019 and this decade, where are you now in your transformation? As we move into winter, our last full moon is in GEMINI--a home of dualities. To wrap up this space and time we should ask ourselves serious questions:
AM I READY?
Am I ready to put away habits that harm me?
Am I ready to take small steps that lead me on a more fulfilling journey (by the way, the destination doesn’t have to be figured out)?
Am I ready to reflect first instead of react?
Can I honor the internal and external versions of myself without compromising the integrity of these intertwined parts?
Feelings are meant to be felt and explored. Reactions are meant to be delivered intentionally. Bodies are meant to be moved--energy (neither spiritual, emotional, or physical) should not be kept stagnant as it is poisonous. Soul work is an integrated process within each cycle we navigate. Some cycles are worth keeping. Some are worth releasing. Our soul work is about discerning which is which.
So, my sage friend, you choose. Do you transform passively--like the wind shaping rocks in a desert? Change will happen, but it will happen TO you. Or, do you choose to transform actively, seeing all your options and deciding what version you want to output?
Ready to choose your path?