Boundaries are for Suckers

Boundaries are for suckers. 

This is the opposite of what I've been personally working on for the last ten years. But in marriage and divorce and marriage and moving and moving and moving and motherhood....we've created a scenario of constant vigilance and defense. 

Setting up boundaries to keep others out is soul sucking. 

We build up the courage to set boundaries and then they get tested over and over. The work of boundaries is ongoing. The cancel culture, the humanist lens that everything is all right for everybody all the time, except if it offends. 

Why are we so offended and defensive all the time? Me too, ya'll. I am. I've been so focused on keep things out that I forgot how to come back to my own space where my peace is. And I've ended up stepping in my own shit over and over because I've outsourced what boundaries actually do for my own self. 

Peace--it's an inside job. 


“Learn this from water: loud splashes the brook but the oceans depth are calm.”- Buddha

I've grown annoyed with spiritualized ritual of cycling through the moon phases and setting intentions, then releasing, then dropping "what no longer serves me." 

Yuck. There's not any new wisdom I've arrived at recently to allow me to confidently believe I can keep doing what I'm doing with different expectations. 

So here's where I'm landing: boundaries are my own container--not a fence to keep others out. 

My boundaries are to rest MY Spirit. I am my own safest space to dwell. Boundaries allow all my sloppy emotions to slosh around like waves smashing against the built up sandbar. 

I'm not meant to be shut off from other people, disassociate or detach from relationships. But I am meant to count on me, first. To trust me. To honor me.  

I am meant to feel the feels, give them the gracious space to move around then resettle. 

My inside space isn't a litter box. It may get messy, but I'm the one responsible for cleaning that shit up. No matter. NO MATTER. 

I don't want to follow moon cycles anymore that feel hollow. I want to rest in my own courage to know when I've stepped over/through my boundary and when I need to come back to honoring myself.

I desire to always hold enough awareness and spaciousness to know when I need to course-correct. 

“The most important distinction anyone can ever make in their life is between who they are as an individual and their connection with others.” ― Anné Linden, Boundaries in Human Relationships: How to be separate and connected

How do you set up boundaries for yourself if you're so focused on someone tripping over them? What's in alignment for you? What makes you spill over? 


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